I have repeatedly observed in many areas of Pashtun society that whenever there is a wedding, a funeral, or a family gathering, food is always served to men first. Once the men have finished eating, only then are the women called.

At first glance, this may seem like a minor tradition. But if we look deeper, it is not merely about the order of serving food — it reflects a hierarchy of priorities in thinking.

The issue does not end with men eating first and women afterward. It is often seen that the best portions of the meal, especially meat and special dishes, go to the men, while women are left with limited and simpler food.

A few days ago, I attended a wedding where, as per tradition, men were served first and women were invited later.

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 But what silently unsettled me was that the food left for the women was what the men had already picked through — food without meat, without the special items that had initially adorned the dining spread.

This is not merely a coincidence; it reflects a mindset — a mindset that hesitates to truly accept women as equals.

What is unfortunate is that in the same societies, people proudly declare, “Women are our honor,” and “We would sacrifice everything for our honor.” 

The question is: the woman you call your honor — do you also grant her equality?

Women may be killed in the name of honor, decisions may be made under the banner of so-called dignity, but when it comes to fairness in everyday life, why does a woman’s turn always come “later”? If her place at the dining table is secondary, does she truly hold first-class status in life’s major decisions?

When the best plate is placed before a man and leftovers are set aside for a woman, the message being conveyed is clear: who is considered “important.” Children grow up watching this.

 They learn whom to prioritize and whom to push aside. In this way, the attitude is passed down from generation to generation.

This issue is not simply about the order of serving food; it is about a mental framework. 

The same mindset creates disparities in education, leads to injustice in inheritance, weakens women’s voices in decision-making, and keeps them economically dependent.

We must acknowledge that if traditions give rise to injustice, questioning them is not rebellion — it is reform. Societies progress when they recognize their weaknesses and strive to correct them.

Note: This article reflects the personal opinion of the author, which does not necessarily represent the views of the organization.